I love writing. I’ve pointed it out a bunch, and I’ll continue pointing it out any chance I get. It annoys me how much I love to point it out. But I’m so enamored that I can’t point out the difficulties with writing itself.
And by that, I mean the act of writing when you’re not feeling it. Like when I sit down to either work on my book ideas or work on the blog post, I sometimes don’t have that itch. That spark. That little twinge that makes me disappear into my own imaginary world.
It’s that block or distraction that prevents me from doing the thing I love. This can come from my struggles to accept my writing, anxiety, depression–all of the above that causes me to look at the blank computer page and forget how natural it comes to me.
Sometimes I can push through it. I tell myself that I have to at least try. This is what I hope the blog to fix, or at least figure out a more efficient way around. But forcing it doesn’t always produce the best writing.
There are countless days that simple become blurs of me trying constantly to jot some idea, hoping it will jump start the creative juices.
It’s horribly inconsistent. Days I think I would be furiously typing away turn into a struggle with my own brain. And there are fantastic days, occasionally the string of weeks that might slide with me producing new stories everyday.
It can get frustrating. Because as someone who loves writing, it plain sucks when I know I need to write but I can’t get the unicorn off the ground. Sometimes I feel like I’m running out of time. Sometimes I feel utterly worthless that I might never have the guts to put a novel out into the world. Sometimes I really want to write a poem like this.
Mental fatigue is a total thing. Writing, for me, has always taken so much concentration. Just thinking and thinking and thinking. It comes naturally in a costly way, so to speak. Writing not only challenges me, it pushes me to do more, to do better every time I write something.This blog helps keep me going. I feel an obligation to write these posts. I have fun, and I find myself excited to hit the publish button for a new post.
This gives me that spark. That little pop, and I end up working on my favorite novel.
And, yeah, that weight still lingers. Sometimes it comes back. But, the hope is for it to lesson more and more until writing becomes so easy that I find myself opening my laptop just to type a sentence or two during a commercial.
When I sit down to write, I still have to tell myself to buckle down and just write. But, if I love it so much, shouldn’t my process be more, “Yay, finally time to write!”
I think that’s the end goal for me. One hundred percent that final sentence rather than fifty or sixty percent.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I got to write a story about three beavers defending their dam using the power of disco ghosts.