There’s an unspoken pressure with writing. I’ve thought of this thousands of times. I noticed more recently than usual because I’ve given myself deadlines for this blog. There’s not only the pressure to write well for an audience, but the self proclaimed drive to make sure I post things in a timely manner.
But this pressure was present long before I decided to start the blog. Even way back before I decided to pursue writing in a more professional light, when I wrote purely for fun, there was still a certain amount of pressure.
It was more than the simple ‘I hope its good’ feeling. There was a pressure to keep doing it because I wanted to write more or better. There was a pressure to improve because, maybe, one day, I might think about publishing. And then that came full force when I finally switched to that mentality.
There is also a type of hidden pressure with it–
The pressure to just write in general. In the past, when I went long periods of time without writing, it felt as if I was failing. That somehow the thing I’ve been doing since I was seven years old was no longer ‘my thing’ if I didn’t work on something. I felt the same even when I was writing on a regular basis for college courses (something I may touch on in my next Fri-losophy). I was writing. I was reading other work, editing, and writing.
It was the pressure to work on my work. The pressure that if I wasn’t working on a personal project, a novel, a string of short stories, I wasn’t fulfilling that criteria of writing. I had the thoughts that I always had some realm of pressure on me because a novel idea was on the back burner. After college, during a time when I was dealing heavily with depression, that pressure sometimes broke the dam. And sometimes it didn’t. I still managed to write because I loved doing it.
So, why put so much unneeded pressure on myself? A lot of times I have the thought that I’m not a real writer until I publish. Or that I’m not undoing that pressure or fulfilling my truth until I was acknowledged by a larger base.
I can honestly say I love that I don’t think that way anymore. Yes, the pressure is still there, I think it always will be, but I can say with clear confidence that I’m handling that much better.
I’m enjoying the pressure to be a better, more efficient writer everyday.
Why? I’ve said, typed, and thought it a million times. Because I love writing. So much I’m willing to put the work in and use that pressure as a tool rather than it using me.