It’s weird. Brains are weird. Feelings are weird.
After a recent giant step, I’ve been feeling a bit conflicted about everything. I’m fighting and struggling for literally no reason.
Because my dumb-dumb brain likes to think it’s the end of the world. Maybe that’s why a lot of my writing seems to be geared towards apocalyptic. I seem to be stuck in some mindset. Not sure if it’s good or bad.
Just frustrating.
Frustration. I’m frustrated. Because–
I want to write. But my brain tells me I’m sad and uninspired.
I want to work harder. But my brain tells my body I’m exhausted.
I want to improve. But my brain tells me it’s not worth it.
I want it to be worth it. But my brain fights me.
It’s frustrating.
My own thoughts fight my belief in myself. My own damn brain tells me everyone else is allowed to be happy–
It’s frustrating when I just want to do the one thing I feel I am decent at. And can’t. Because I’m too frustrated by my own thoughts and feelings.
I can’t trust my own thoughts. Which makes me not trust my writing.
But I need to push. I have to…
Because I just want to write. I want to keep posting on this blog because its fun! It makes me happy to share my thoughts and ideas through writing. It’s an adventure in itself, I think. And hopefully a small adventure for anyone who reads.
Writing makes me happy. Posting them, while stressful, makes me happy overall. Because that means I’m still writing. Which makes me happy.
The frustration–
My thoughts tell me it’s not worth it. They tell me I’m not worth it.
But, I’m allowed to be happy. Writing is allowed to make me happy.
I can’t trust my brain. I can’t trust what I see.
I can only trust what I write.